SEX TIPS: How to become more comfortable naked during sex

Sara and John have been married for five years and are deeply in love. However, whenever they have sexual activity they always end up arguing. If John touches Sara’s waist, she pushes his hand away and tells him not to touch her fat. Sara prefers to keep her shirt on, even if the lights are off, and she always tells John to keep his eyes closed.  John constantly tells Sara she is beautiful and how much he is attracted to her, but it never seems to help the situation and alleviate her anxiety.  

Today, it’s hard to feel beautiful, and for many women feeling beautiful and feeling sexy go hand-in-hand. The culture we live in makes it difficult for women to feel adequate physically, as everywhere you look—the movies, magazines, billboards- there are images of women that are unrealistic to attain. In many cases the images are photoshopped to make the woman’s body look even more ‘perfected’ than it does in reality, but the knowledge that it’s photoshopped doesn’t curtail its dramatic impact.  Consequently, many women walk around with a negative body image and feel like they aren’t perfect enough to be beautiful and for many, this translates into insecurity in the bedroom.
What Does Body Image Have To Do With Sex? healthy relationship with a man who finds her attractive; yet, she sees herself as not good enough because her stomach seems too flabby to her. Or she doesn’t like her nose. Or thinks her hips are too big.  In other words, her belief of ‘my body isn’t good enough’ becomes ‘I am not good enough’; it’s almost as if nothing else about her matters.
A healthy body image is one where you have a sense of acceptance with your body, you don’t measure your self-worth based on your body, and most of all, and you can feel comfortable in your own skin.  When a woman looks at her body and only sees flaws, she may not only feel bad about her physical identity, but about the kind of happiness she deserves in life, e.g. whether she is worthy of being loved by a partner.
A strong component of sexual satisfaction is being comfortable in one’s skin. If a woman is convinced that she is unattractive, it will be difficult for her to present and she will not be able to fully enjoy the sexual experience. Moreover, she may feel inhibited in having sexual needs. She may think to herself, ‘How can I seek or experience pleasure when I look like this?’  She may be passive and focus on her partner’s pleasure instead of her own, and she may be hesitant to initiate sexual activity.
As seen in the above case of Sara and John, Sara was unwilling to be fully naked with John and it clearly was affecting their sexual dynamics. Sara evidently viewed her body with disgust, and her unwillingness to be relaxed with John is a manifestation of her conviction that he would be disgusted too.  Obviously that thought is divorced from reality, as John always told her how much he was into her, but that wasn’t enough to challenge her deep-seeded feelings of inadequacy.
What Can I Do To Improve My Body Image?
If you find it hard to drop your conditions for considering yourself beautiful and sexy, try to pretend for a moment that you’ve already met those conditions and you are perfect exactly the way you are. Bask in that confidence and the permission to feel comfortable with your body just the way it is. Does it feel wrong? Unjustified? Arrogant?
See what comes up for you. For some women, doing this exercise allows them to identify messages about their body that they received from family members, relationship partners, or society in general. It can help clarify personal core beliefs about what is beautiful, sexy, and who decides. And most importantly, it is a powerful reminder that negative body beliefs can shift when you are willing to challenge your mind-set and the mirror.
Try this exercise:  Stand in front of the mirror (or if you’re not comfortable with that, sit in a comfortable position). Pick a body part you don’t like and try to think for a few moments about positive things about that body part. For example; if you don’t like your butt, concentrate on thinking about positive things your butt does for you, such as providing a cushion to sit.  Focus on that feeling of gratitude and remind yourself that you are more than just your body.
Developing a healthy body image is no easy feat, but if you can practice gentleness with yourself and surround yourself with positive messages, you will become more comfortable in your own skin.